The Bear at Age 7

A. His Schedule – He likes to sleep in and stay up late. In the summer (a school-free and low-stress time), he's been going to bed at 9 p.m. (sometimes even later) and waking at 8:15 a.m., then leaving for camp at 8:30 a.m. He doesn't want to go to bed alone so he'll frequently try to convince his dad and that we should go to bed when he does.

B. His Size – He's wearing size 7 clothes and size 1.5 shoes (size 1 soccer cleats though).

C. His Personality – It's so hard to pin doesn his personality since he's a complicated guy. At heart, I think he's a good person, but he feels his emotions strongly, and sometimes his actions don't match his heart. He's funny, creative, motivated, and clever, but also defensive and skeptical.

D. His Favorite Things

• Colors: His favorite colors are red, rainbow, and gold.
• Shows and Movies: He likes watching Aphmau and other YouTube gamers. He still likes Troll Hunters. He tries to avoid liking anything that his younger sister enjoys watching.
• Books: His learning to read is delayed, likely due to a learning disability such as Dyslexia. He currently likes being read a book about pirates.
• Toys and Play: He had a watergun-themed birthday party, so I'd say he likes waterguns/waterballoons in addition to Nerf guns. He really wants to build things. He keeps wanting me to search for "buiding supplies" on Amazon.
• Art: He likes creating art. He uses a lot of colors when he does. He built a pretty interesting shark out of Model Magic clay this week.
• Activities: He is an active guy except for when he is on his computer, in which case he hyper-focuses. In addition to video games, he likes to swim.
• Time of Day: I'd say he's a night owl.
• Bedding: He likes sharing my fleece blanket which is super soft and has rainbow ice cream cones on it. Yesterday, he received a blue tie-dye fleece blanket that he likes. We're still in the habbit of using only blankets and fitted sheets without flat sheets (aka top sheets).
• Clothing: He is somewhat creative with his clothing, prefering to stand out. Today he wore an orange long-sleeved flannel button-up shirt to soccer. In summer. I think he chose it simply because he was sure that no one else would be wearing anything similar.
• Foods: He's a pretty picky eater but some things he likes are milk, fruit, chips, spaghetti, and rice. He used to like fries but even those have lost some appeal for him.
• Animals: He likes our pets, especially our cat. He will make our pet rabbit a "bunny salad" (it's mostly lettuce and carrots). He hugs our dog. I don't know if he has a "favorite" animal but I'll ask him.
• Heroes/Characters: The Hulk. Definitely The Hulk. Sometimes he gets to play as Hulk in the Lego Avengers video game we have for the XBox. I think he likes Iron Man too.

E. Things He Does Not Like – He would rather lead than follow. So, I'd say "following" is disliked. I think he enjoys being a contrarian - he still dislikes pizza and chocolate. I think he knows that he's not catching on with regard to reading as much as his classmates (the school told us he seems to "be aware") and I think that bothers him deeply.

F. What He’s Thinking About – In his free time, when he's not deeply involved in his laptop or with the TV or XBox, he likes to think about buiding a Nerf base in our yard. It makes me sad to think that this will never become a reality for him - he's not going to be seven forever and eventually he'll grow out of this dream before we have the bandwidth and money to make it happen.

G. Surprises – It's somewhat surprising just how different each one of my kids' personalities is from the others. I would say that he gets along best with his older brother (SeriousKiddo) and gets along least well with his younger sister (Rosie). She says he's "so mean" to her, but really I think it's just that he wants to control her, and like any headstrong lady, she opposes this.

H. Best & Worst Things –

• The best thing(s): He seems to like/love me. And he doesn't mind showing it. I know eventually, there will be a period where he distances himself from me (does it happen at 11? or 10?), but right now, he seems to think I'm cool enough to hang out with, even in front of his friends.
• The worst thing(s): I wish he could read like his classmates. I know that he'll find professional success eventually - he's too smart not to. But the feeling of being "less than" is probably pretty painful for him.

I. Family and Friends – I feel weirdly unmoored to this area at this point. Some of my closest friends have moved away. I spend less time with my folks than I used to. I love our street and our neighbors. But at the same time, I long for a larger house that I can customize (it's hard to justify customizing a rental, e.g. paying to have the rooms painted). I don't know how to get to feeling a stronger sense of community both for myself and my kids. Is moving the answer? Or do I just have to lean in a little more? I've leaned in plenty over the years, but people always wind up moving away or getting too busy just the same. There's a community pool that I could join that might help? But it's so very expensive. And I could join the PTA. But that just seems like a fundraising operation, and I have very little to give in the way of funds or time right now.

J. Parenting or What I’m Doing Differently – I would say that the older I get, the more chill I get as a parent. At this point, very little phases me. I'm also a lot less apologetic about making parenting choices that I believe are the best for my kids, even if those choices are inconvenient for other people.

K. Milestones – He's about to lose his first tooth. It's pretty darned jiggly.

Hiking With Kids

 If you are a hiking expert, want to do a multi-day overnight hike, or are going to be hiking in unfavorable weather (e.g. the cold), then this post may not be for you. Otherwise, read on. This is what I have done for hikes with my four young kids.

But first, one anecdote:

It was a hot and sweaty day at the beginning of summer. My husband and I unloaded our four children from our SUV. I strapped our youngest, a baby, to my chest. We greeted our friends, a couple who had met us to go on this hike together. I was delighted to see them, or any adults for that matter, given this was after more than a year of Covid times. Over logs and dead leaves, we made our own path winding through the woods. After about an hour, I was sweating and tired. Then my friend said, "It's so lucky that your children like hiking! We didn't bring ours because they don't enjoy it."

This comment completely surprised me because our children don't particularly like hiking. In fact, one of them (the oldest) complains profusely through every hike we take. But nonetheless, it had not occurred to me that not taking them on this hike was even an option. Yes, it would've been difficult to find someone to watch them. But that aside, it had not crossed my mind that them merely not liking an enriching activity was reason enough either not to do the activity at all, or to do it without them. I feel like for the most part, when one of us goes somewhere, we all go. I felt like the conclusion that because they were doing the activity, they liked the activity, was erroneous, but also enlightening. I felt really thankful that we're the kind of parents who say "How can we make this work for our family?" instead of "Forget it."

So, here's what we do:

Cooler You certainly don't have to keep your drinks / waters cold, but I find it very restorative and more energizing when it is. What I've found works best for us is a cooler backpack that one of the adults can carry. Yes, we could make every child carry their own water, but when they already tire out much sooner than us, do we really want to add to their burden? We keep our cooler cold with ice packs.

Snacks and Drinks I like having a formula. My formula per child is: one juice box or bottled water, one pack of fruit snacks, and maybe one individual serving of chips or a fruit roll up. I also bring two to three spare juice boxes or waters. Is this the healthiest snack option? No. But they are exercising, and they do look forward to these snacks.

Breaks I like to take a break at the middle of the hike and do snacks at that point, rather than waiting to the end. The kids are far less cranky this way, and they do a bit of open-ended play during the break as well (e.g. draw with a stick, throw pebbles into the water, look for guppies, etc.).

Kids' Attire I like to have each child wearing a sun hat (usually a bucket hat instead of a baseball cap) and Crocs without socks. Where we are, things can get pretty wet, and Crocs are great for that. Crocs don't have a lot of grip so they are not ideal for slippery terrain (e.g. a rocky hill), but they are great for walking through a creek.

Other Items to Bring Bug spray. Sun block.

*This post may contain affiliate and/or associate links and I may earn a small commission*

Rosiebebe at Almost 3.5 Years Old

A. Her Schedule – Left to her own devices, she'll wake up at the crack of dawn and go to bed whenever we go to bed, but her bedtime is 8:00 p.m.

B. Her Size – She's wearing size 5 clothing or extra-small, which is only one size smaller than our 6-year old. She's wearing size 10 shoes.

C. Her Personality – She is a pretty outgoing, friendly child. It's been weird having her spend basically half her entire life during a global pandemic when socializing (like at the playground) has been discouraged.

D. Her Favorite Things

• Colors: Pink and red.
• Shows and Movies: She still likes Disney movies but she watches a lot of YouTube videos too.
• Books: She does not have a favorite book.
• Toys and Play: She still really likes babydolls and all of the accessories. She also likes Duplos. She also likes tiny toys like Hatchimals. And she likes PlayDoh.
• Art: She loves drawing with markers (both dry erase and regular).
• Activities: She loves socializing with other friends, be they younger or older than her. She is drawn to babies like a moth to a flame - she loves meeting babies and enthusiastically saying "So cute! So cuddly!" to them.
• Time of Day: She is an early bird.
• Bedding: She has a pink blanket and a rainbow-colored pillow.
• Clothing: She'll wear anything but she tends to be a girlie-girl if left to her own devices. She likes floral prints and the Houndstooth pattern in particular.
• Foods: Besides milk, she likes chocolate and other sweet things.
• Animals: She's not as into animals as her older brothers. That being said, she likes puppies and birds.
• Heroes/Characters: Frozen's Elsa and Anna.

E. Things She Does Not Like – Bedtime. Eating most foods - she is a picky eater and is quick to label foods as "Ewww, gross!"

F. What She’s Thinking About – She is really into babies, including her own little brother. She declares her love for him daily. For the most part, he tolerates her affection, but it is a bit of a lopsided relationship.

G. Surprises – I'm a bit surprised that she's so into babies as I was not when I was a little girl. Though that may be because I didn't have a lot of exposure to babies whereas she has met them at daycare (pre-pandemic), not to mention living with a baby brother in her bedroom!

H. Best & Worst Things –

• The best thing(s): She has a pretty good relationship with her oldest brother.
• The worst thing(s): She is so incredibly loud. She talks loudly and continuously, and she sings even louder.

I. Family and Friends – She has a little buddy who is slightly older than her - her "buddy" is one of my BFF's children. Sometimes, they sweetly talk, hold hands, and play together. Other times, they fight bitterly over any given toy that they both want to play with at the same time.

J. Parenting or What I’m Doing Differently – Parenting during a pandemic is a weird experience. On the one hand, I am getting far more time near her than I otherwise would. On the other hand, ordinary experiences like taking her to the store aren't happening. She is still very confused by the concept of stores - places where you go and see things in packages but they're not yours, and you can't open them or take them with you when you leave.

K. Milestones – She's pretty good at counting and knowing her letters.

Serious Kiddo at Age 8

A. His Schedule – Left to his own devices, he'd wake up at around 7 a.m. and go to bed at around 9:00 p.m., but his bedtime is 8:30 p.m.

B. His Size – He's wearing a mostly size 7 clothes and he's wearing size 1 shoes.

C. His Personality – He's a contemplative child. He is very gentle, patient, kind, and forgiving with his younger siblings.

D. His Favorite Things

• Colors: Blue.
• Shows and Movies: He likes watching other people play video games on YouTube.
• Books: He reads a lot. His favorite type of books is graphic novels (particularly humorous ones), but he also likes Pokémon guidebooks.
• Toys and Play: He barely plays with toys anymore. He likes playing Minecraft on his laptop.
• Art: He's not very into art, but he's still pretty good at getting his point across when he needs to create drawings to accompany his writing assignments. He enjoys working with clay though. He also likes crafts, like jewelry-making with Rainbow Bands.
• Activities: Besides the aforementioned video game playing, and watching other people play video games, he likes to read. He enjoys quiet activities like putting together a puzzle.
• Time of Day: I think he enjoys his afternoons at SACC (school-aged childcare) the most.
• Bedding: He has a blanket with stars on it that is just like his brother's, and a soft blue pillow.
• Clothing: He'll wear pretty much anything, but he has a preference for blue and for soft, cool clothing (e.g. shorts not pants, and cotton not denim).
• Foods: Besides milk, he likes raisin bread and American cheese.
• Animals: He still loves our dog, cat, and rabbit. He also likes Triceratops, sharks, and snakes.
• Heroes/Characters: Mewtwo from Pokémon.

E. Things He Does Not Like – Meat.

F. What He’s Thinking About – He thinks he can sense how animals are feeling. This year, he wants a Halloween-themed birthday celebration again.

G. Surprises – I'm a bit surprised that he's not more into art.

H. Best & Worst Things –

• The best thing(s): That he's a great big brother. That he plans well, such as budgeting for things he wants to purchase.
• The worst thing(s): He sometimes gets very hyped up, and then it's difficult to get him to wind back down.

I. Family and Friends – He has a few close friends at school, including a "girlfriend" that he always sits with. He really enjoys spending time with my mom – she is probably his favorite person to hang out with.

J. Parenting or What I’m Doing Differently – Honestly, I'm trying really hard to create good habits and rituals (e.g. "movie night") but it is so hard with a tiny house and so many people.

K. Milestones – He is above grade level in both reading and math. He devours reading material.

The Bear at 6.25 Years Old

A. His Schedule – Left to his own devices, he'd wake up at 8 a.m. or even later, and go to bed at 10:30 p.m. But he needs to wake at 7:15 a.m. for school, and his bedtime is 8:30 p.m.

B. His Size – He's wearing a mix of size 6 and size 7 clothes and he's wearing size 1 shoes.

C. His Personality – He's an empathetic, energetic child who loves to party.

D. His Favorite Things

• Colors: He likes bright colors like red and he likes "rainbow." He also likes Fortnite purple.
• Shows and Movies: He likes anything with the Avengers, particularly The Guardians of the Galaxy.
• Books: He can't quite grasp reading yet, but he likes learning about science, particularly rocks and gems.
• Toys and Play: Toy weapons, particulars Nerf Guns, which he collects.
• Art: He's a creative guy who loves creating art, especially if glitter is involved.
• Activities: He loves playing video games and watching YouTube videos of other people playing video games. Besides that, he likes playing outside.
• Time of Day: For all the energy that he exudes, he likes nighttime a lot.
• Bedding: He has a blanket with stars on it, and he still has his rainbow pillow.
• Clothing: Unlike his older brother, he cares a lot about how he looks and wants "cooler clothes." His newest item is sneakers with flames on them.
• Foods: Besides milk, he likes plain potato chips, meat, and raspberries.
• Animals: He still loves our dog and cat. I would say his favorite animal might be dragons. I asked him, and he said it's peacocks, because he "likes rainbow-colored birds"
• Heroes/Characters: The Hulk. I wish there was more Hulk merch.

E. Things He Does Not Like – Weirdly, none of my kids like pizza. Chocolate. Feeling excluded.

F. What He’s Thinking About – I think he worries about how he stacks up to others, which may be partly because he and his brother are so close in age. I know it bugs him that his older brother can read chapter books while he's struggling with even short words.

G. Surprises – I guess I am surprised at how quiet and "boring" it is every time he has a one-on-one sleepover with his grandma.

H. Best & Worst Things –

• The best thing(s): I get a kick out of how artistic he his, combining supplies in unusual and effective ways. I'm glad that at least one of the kids is into art like my mom.
• The worst thing(s): Emotional regulation is still challenging.

I. Family and Friends – I'm sad that some of his closest friends have drifted apart from us, either due to busy schedules on their end, or to them moving.

J. Parenting or What I’m Doing Differently – There's only so much space in our schedule. I wish I had the time to read to him one-on-one on a nightly basis. If we do it a couple of times a week, that's a win.

K. Milestones – Seeing him write his name on everything is pretty cute.

The Last Son, Age 9.5 Months

A. His Schedule – He wakes up by 7 a.m., if not earlier. He takes a morning nap, starting some time between 10 and 11 a.m. We put him to bed for the night by 8 p.m., but sometimes as early as 6:30 p.m. – it just depends on how tired he is.

B. His Size – He's wearing mostly size 18-month clothing at age 9.5 months, but he has a size 12-month pair of baby jeans and a size 2T shorts romper that he wears regularly. At his 9-month (really 9.5 months) well-child appointment, his head circumference was 18-1/4 inches and his weight was 21 lb.

C. His Personality – He's a pretty awesome baby. He loves cords and fiddling with small items. He's friendly and relatively quiet (except when he's bouncing vigorously in his Jumperoo). He loves his oldest brother and thinks he's hilarious.

D. His Favorite Things

• Colors: It is too soon to tell, but I'm hoping he likes yellow. His oldest brother's favorite color is blue, Teddybear's colors are green and red, and his sister's colors are red and pink, so yellow is "open" for the taking. He also looks really cute in green.
• Shows and Movies: He doesn't really like watching children's programming – he'd rather make a beeline for open baby gates or electrical cords.
• Books: We need to do a better job reading to him.
• Toys and Play: We got him a cord / tube toy that he likes, and he has a Walk 'n Play (aka Musical Walker) that he likes.
• Art: I don't think we've ever done an art project with him.
• Activities: He's a sensory guy – he loves digging his hands into the grass, or mulch. He also loves mealtime.
• Time of Day: Probably the morning, right when he gets up.
• Bedding: He has a couple of mint-colored blankets.
• Clothing: It seems like I am always putting him in the same two outfits - my favorites are this two-way zippered romper and a John Deere pajamas set (similar set).
• Foods: Besides milk, he likes French fries and green beans. He eats almost everything we let him try.
• Animals: It's too soon to tell what he likes, except that he seems to be interested in our dog and cat, to the extent that his eyes get wide and happy when he sees them.
• Heroes/Characters: It's too soon to tell.

E. Things He Does Not Like – Being hungry – he can get hangry.

F. What He’s Thinking About – He likes following us around the house, and hates getting stuck on the opposite side of the baby gate from us.

G. Surprises – I cannot believe how lucky we are that we get to live with such an amazing baby.

H. Best & Worst Things –

• The best thing(s): He's a healthy baby who sleeps reasonably well and seems to be a fan of me (enjoys my company).
• The worst thing(s): This is the last time we're planning to be the parents of a baby – it's hard to leave the phase of cute baby feet, chunky baby thighs, cute baby clothes...

I. Family and Friends – Unfortunately, everyone is pretty busy. I wish our friends and family had slightly less hectic schedules so we could hang out at the park, or our house, or their house, relaxing. The baby would love to see them.

J. Parenting or What I’m Doing Differently – With each kid we add to our family, I relax a bit more. I also get more efficient, what some would call "rising to the occasion." I evolve because I have to. Others have said "you'll find grace when you need it" [and not beforehand]. With every kid, I also become more weary of screens – childhood is so short, and screens seems to eat away a lot of it. That being said, if I'm in the shower or need to vacuum, I'm thankful that I have the option to provide a safe way to distract them so that I can accomplish what is necessary.

K. Milestones – He now has two teeth on the bottom and is getting his two upper front teeth. He can't quite pull up yet, but he's getting there. We got a coffee table so hopefully that will help teach him to couch-surf.

ODD Notes

 I bought and am currently reading the book Overcoming Oppositional Defiant Disorder: A Two-Part Treatment Plan to Help Parents and Kids Work Together (published March 2019) by Gina Atencio-MacLean PsyD. I am using this post to keep track of my notes as I read and complete the exercises.

Introduction through page 16

Message I received:

• Successfully helping a child with ODD is not a quick fix
• Parents need to care for their own emotional needs before they'll be ready to address their child's
• Parental anxiety is related to disruptive parent-child relationships: an increase in negative discipline (punishment), social distress, and controlling behaviors
• Parental anxiety also decreases parental warmth and positive engagement, qualities that build connection
• Walking on eggshells around the ODD child may actually encourage more of the unwanted behavior
• Other children can get "lost in the shuffle" when the ODD child drains so many parental resources
• Children with ODD have strong emotions and are very emotionally reactive
• You want to respond to a situation, which is intentional, instead of reacting to it, which is an automatic reflex

Thinking exercises:

• Q: What are your own triggers? Think of some times recently when you've lost your temper: What time of day was it? What else was going on? What did you do in the moment? What was the immediate result of that action?
• A:  My mom was over and had been bothering me with her "helpful" parental suggestions, while I was trying to get work done. I could not concentrate on nor complete my work and was frustrated. I stopped talking to my child other than to say "please stop talking to me" increasingly loudly.
• Q: Imagine a miracle day where the child no longer has ODD - what does that look like?
• A: The school does not call home to indicate he's misbehaved. He thus successfully learns social and academic skills (like reading), and has fun doing so. After school, we go on a walk and he does not run off. We read a book together and he sits with me until the end.

Goals for next time:

• Q: What two actions could you work on that would be a step towards the "miracle day" described above? Do them.
• A: I could take my child on a walk, and could read a story to him and only him (as opposed to a group activity with the other children).

*This post contains an affiliate link for the book*

Rosiebebe is One!

A. Her Schedule – She usually wakes up at about 6:30 a.m., eats breakfast, then takes a nap at 10 a.m. (early, I know). She also takes an afternoon nap, usually around 3 p.m. She eats dinner with us but usually starts getting cranky at 6:30 p.m. and is fast asleep by about 7:00 p.m.

B. Her Size & Health – At her one-year checkup she was 20 lb 2 oz (55th percentile). She was 30” long (80th percentile). Her head circumference was 17.75 (55th percentile). Her hemoglobin was 13.8 (good). Her lead was none. It seems like she’s hardly ever sick – I don’t know if that’s because she’s at a home-based daycare or if she’s just been lucky in that way. She did wear a helmet from about January 1 to about April 22.

C. Her Personality – She’s the sweetest, friendliest baby. She is very interested in engaging with people. She wants to make a personal connection. She’s not too worried about strangers.

D. His Favorite Things

• Colors: Can I say pink?
• Shows: Yo Gabba Gabba. She is fascinated by the TV and our cell phones, but we heavily limit her screentime.
• Toys, Play, and Art: She has some baby dolls and pretend makeup that she plays with.
• Time of Day: I would say after she wakes up from her first nap. She’s always so happy to see us when she wakes up.
• Bedding: She has some pink fuzzy blankets.
• Foods: She loves fruit, especially strawberries. She’s only had chocolate a couple of times but she loved it. She wants to eat whatever we’re eating.
• Activities: She likes being held. She likes being around people. She’s never one to voluntarily leave a party. I'm trying to take her to stores and restaurants with me so that she gets used to being at these types of places.
• Animals: She can now say “cat” and “dog,” so I think she likes our pets, but she’s far more interested in people than animals, it seems.
• Heroes: I can’t say. She does seem to really enjoy my company. I wonder if I’m her hero?

E. Things She Does Not Like – Pasta.

F. What She’s Thinking About – I’m not sure, but she seems like a mellow, good tempered person. She doesn’t seem anxious, although she is cautious. I’m sure that she has the ability to walk but chooses not to because she’s afraid of falling.

G. Surprises – I’ve probably said it before on this blog, but having this girl has been the best surprise – I went from wondering if I could handle being the parent of a girl to relishing basically every minute.

H. Best & Worst Things –

• The best things: I look forward to her growing up and developing lasting, positive relationships with her brothers and me too.
• The worst things: When she does scream or cry, her voice is a higher pitch than my sons, and it drives my husband up the walls. It sounds fine to me, but to him it’s apparently very painful.

I. Family and Friends – I worry if our family is getting too large for people to comfortably invite us over to their homes.

J. Parenting or What I’m Doing Differently – I am so excited to have the chance to explore parenting a daughter! I don’t want to go completely crazy with pink and rainbows and unicorns. But I do want the world to treat her as sweetly as befits her sweet personality. She’s such a gentle being.